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Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Hello blog readers!

This week is hard for me. It's mother's day again. Last year I said it would be my last one without a baby. Well...in some ways, that's true. I did concieve 2 children this past year. And while last year was hard, this one is harder in lots of ways. I have found myself crying, or at least tearing up a lot this week. It's hard to see Mother's Day splashed everywhere. It's hard hearing how awesome mom's are and knowing that's not me still. But its really hard because I should be delivering my first child this weekend. Baby Varney #1 was due May 12th. That's Tuesday.
Part of me wants to acknowledge this on Sunday, along with my 2 other girl friends who have lost babies this year. Part of me wants to avoid the issue all together. Last year was so hard, and honestly...the best time of my whole year was Mother's Day with Amy and Brian. I know it can be that way this year too.
So we are running away again, this time with another couple added to the mix and 4 babies lost between the 3 couples (2 of those mine). I hope it's a weekend of fun and laughter and not one of tears and heartache. If you're a mom, I hope you truly appreciate the gift you've been given. There are many of us who hurt very deeply because we are denied that same blessing.
Here's hoping this year is the year and next year this post will be filled with baby pictures.
Remember those of us in this crappy boat while you celebrate on Sunday.


Lori said...

I'm a long time reader, first time commenter. I think I found your blog through mutual RHCC friends.

Anyway, I completely understand where you are. I spent the last 2 2nd weekends in May living in those emotions. I'm so glad to hear you're getting away. You're in my prayers this Sunday.

Raina said...

I just want you to know that I really do hurt for you. I'm confident God has a plan for you, but so so sad that you are having to go through this. I will definitely be thinking of you this Sunday.