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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Hawaii part one

I know you want to hear about Hawaii. Me too! I want to relive it! But before I can do that, I have to do this. Yes, it has SOMETHING to do with Hawaii...but not what you are looking for I'm sure.
It's no secret that I've got baby fever. It's been a hard last couple of months as friends come closer and closer to their due dates, others have the babies that they've prayed for for years. And here I sit. No baby in my tummy still.
I even went to Hawaii with the expectation that I would have one in me when I got home. We prayed and prayed for that. I even went to this fertility Rock to let the Hawaiian legend work it's magic on me. (Legend says if you sit on the rock and leave a gift, you will become pregnant. I sat. I left a gift. Joe and I even prayed up there, as I fought a severe crying attack.) But Monday morning when I awoke back to normal life and a day of work ahead, mother nature had shown up yet again. For the 25th month in a row to say HaHa! No baby for you!
This morning at church it kept coming up again! New little baby less than a month old, one seat in front of me. (Love this kid already, since her brothers are my favorite kids of all time!) After class a sweet woman who routinely gives me a hug and kiss pulled me over and said, "Is there a baby yet?" "no." "Awww....well you keep at it." We are. We will. SIGH. She told me someone she knew tried 13 years then had 2. I told her those are the stories I hate. I've only been waiting 2 years. I may have 11 ahead....not what I wanted to hear.
At the church luncheon later on, I was approached 2 more times. Once by the mother of a friend similarly afflicted. She wanted to meet me, since she'd heard about me, and tell me she was praying for us. And yet another older woman I don't know grabbed Joe and I to tell us she miscarried multiple times, was told she couldn't carry a child, adopted after 10 years of trying, the concieved in just over a year. She told us she loves her adopted kid as much as her "homegrown" one...there's no difference there. She said, " I know you want to carry your own child. It's not fun, but I know you want that. I did too. But I love my adopted daughter as much as I do my son. It's going to happen for you guys."
All 3 of these women had no idea the other had spoken to me. Nor did they know that this is something really weighing on me again. I get these glimmers of hope and feel like God is telling me something, but then I'm not pregnant. Again. It's hard to keep the glimmer alive. So what is God doing? How do I know? Our preacher told us today the scripture was about us. It speaks TO us. His final offering to the congregation was "Ask and you will recieve. Seek and it will be given to you. Knock and the door shall be opened to you." I've asked. I've seeked. I've knocked. Still no recieving.
SO...keep reading. Keep checking in. I promise the next one will be more upbeat. Hawaii part two: WHALE WATCHING

2 comments:

DavitaJo said...

Rachel-

I'll keep praying!

Davita

Adam & Carrie Tungate said...

I'm still praying too, Rach!