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Thursday, November 20, 2008

rock bottom

This year has been hard. In fact, the hardest I've ever had. Good ridance 2008. Farewell 29th year. And as of yesterday, so long 3rd year of marriage. that's right, Joe and I have been married for 3 years as of yesterday. Who knew at our 2nd fabulous NYC anniversary, we would be at such a low point today? Everytime something hard has come our way this year, we feel like we've hit bottom, but sadly, each next blow knocks us even deeper. I have to believe that if we haven't hit bottom yet, we can't be far from it.
I have been back and forth with my doctor this week and finally have made some tough choices about this pregnancy and future possibilities. It's not something I want to face or am ready to deal with, but....one day at a time, right?
My friend Kara came to see me the other day and brought me a book of short devotional thoughts. Her instructions? Read one every night and feel the peace and plan God is trying to give to me.
I opened it at random last night and this is what it said:
God does not ask you to do things that are humanly possible. He does not fill your heart with goals that you could easily achiever on your own.
Rather, God gives you dreams that are far bigger and more wonderful than you could ever aspire to, dreams that can only be accomplished if he is actively involved in your life.
Why? Because God want you to know that the good that happens to you is from him- so that you will rely on him.
He is bringing the hopes that burn in you into being. So tonight trust him to make all those impossible dream come true.
"With God, all things are possible." Matthew 19:26


Hopeful Mother said...

I have an idea how you are feeling. Your feelings echo how I felt after our 2nd IVF failed at the end of 2006. I was ready to kick 2006 to the curb. I felt like I could sink no lower.


2009 is going to be a better year for you. I think the daily devotions are a great thing. We read ours before bed (most nights).

You have a great attitude and are putting your worries and sadness with God - he will bring you through the other side.

Blessings to you Rachel.

Anonymous said...

I still have no words for you, my friend, but just remember that I love you and you are always on my heart and in my mind. I'm still praying.