a new experiment

I am getting a lot of good feedback about some of the painting I am working on both here and on facebook so I am going to try a little experiment this summer. I am going to invest $100 into making as many of these "kid art" pieces as possible and see what kind of profit I can turn on etsy.com.

I know NOTHING about selling, marketing, shipping, etc. So I will have much to learn. If any of you have advice, lay it on me, particularly when it comes to shipping. I have no idea how I will ship these things, let alone how much it will cost.

I'll have some more pics up for you soon.

baby room

This weekend I worked on the baby room for a while, all the time praying for the little one I hope will be living there sometime in the upcoming months.

I worked on the vines again and then began work on some animals on mdf board. I am SO HAPPY with how they are turning out! I am going to make a bunch of these for my Xmas craft fair in November this year!

Let me know what you think! I will branch out and do other animals (of course) and am happy to take suggestions on other topics! I have LOVED making these so far. They are about 2 feet tall and 1 foot wide.

OH! There is also an elephant finished (just not photographed) and a monkey and lion in the works.

flashback

Last night Joe and I went to the "Green and White Game" at his high school, Arlington High. Its when the team scrimages itself basically. The cheerleaders were cracking me up. They'd do a cheer (pretty unenthusiastically) and at the end...no jumps, no GO COLTS!! Just smooth out my hair and make comment to my friend. It was funny to watch.
After the game there is a fundraiser- a burger cookout! So we went and got in line for that. In front of us were 3 of those same cheerleaders. One with a boyfriend who, rightly so, remained very quiety among the giggly girls, pointing and commenting on everyone and everything going on. One of said cheerleader's mom was right behind us. So when we finally got to the grub, she fell behind with mom and the other 2 and boyfriend took off. I thought nothing of it. But when Joe came to sit down he said,"That cheerleader just said to her mom, 'I don't have any friends.' Mom said, 'Sure you do! They were just here!' and she replied, 'They ditched me. I don't have any REAL friends." And we looked over and there she is with her mom at the next table, a little teary.
My heart really hurt for her. That was me for a while in high school. At least at school. I LOVED my life at church. I was loud and silly and had tons of friends. That's where I could shine. But at school I felt really left out. The people I thought were my friends never treated me like one. They never asked me to do anything with them. That's what ultimately led to my quiting volleyball my senior year. Those girls were not my real friends. I found some real friends after that and life was so much better! So last night when I saw all this, I really wished I was bold enough to go talk to that cheerleader. Tell her that it sucks right now. That I'd been there too and I made it out. That there are friends to be made in other places. That going off to college and starting again is a great opportunity. And that high school is not the end of things. In many ways, it's just the beginning. Of course Joe and I joked abotu how I ended up marrying a football player too (could've added that in for humor's sake in my speech.)
I had just about decided to bite the bullet, go over and talk to her. But she ran out to the parking lot crying. I wish I had acted immediately. I thougth about her a lot today and how it would've made a difference to me if a stranger had had that talk with me 13 years ago. Crazy what life throws at you and how you forget pain from the past. Next time, I'm going to say something. :)

a bunch of little happinesses

I have been working on several little projects and they all are making me smile. I've been really pleased with each of them and thought I'd share, in case you want to use them yourself! They are all inexpensive little projects either at my home or at school. I'll let you know how much each cost even!
#1. This was the priciest: NEW SHUTTERS! I am so pleased with these. They make the front of the house look so different. Now I konw I'm biased, but I think our house is the best looking on on our street. Our lawn is a little patchy color-wise, but we have bushes and flowers and a tree and now...SHUTTERS! It's adorable! Got them from Home Depot for about $50 total. #2. New flowers in the front yard. I bought huge hanging arrangements of zinnias (I think) for $5 each! (what a deal?!?!) Now how long can I keep them alive???

#3. My old planters are so ick. They are grayed and boring. And I kill everything I plant in them anyways...so more gray and ick. I was at Home Depot the other day and I saw all these new ceramic pots in bright yellow, lime green, aqua!! But at $20 a peice, I didn't want them so much. Instead, I bought a couple cans of plastic spray paint (about $3.50 each) and sprayed my old plastic pots. Too cute...and a splash of color for plain ol' green plants!

#4. Vines on the wall. I am working on the baby room right now. It will be all ready when God decides to send us someone to live in it! I began the vines that will eventually go all the way around the green room. I wasn't too keen on the dark, glossy green that Joe picked, but once it was on the wall, I LOVE it! Joe was really pleased with the results we got too. So far...only cost was a quart of paint, about $13. Now it's just gonnna take some time.

#5. Printmaking at school. We tried something new this year. When we did printmaking, we started by doing color bleeding with tissue paper squares and water (great activity if you have little kids!!) Then we rolled black tempra on famous art rubbing plates and made a print on the wet colored paper. They turned out AMAZING! You can get famous art rubbing plates for $7 from Sax Arts and Crafts.

#6. Symmetry studies. This was easy too. Take picture of your child. Print only half of it. Have them draw the other side. These are so cute. This is one from a 1st grader.

#7. Finally, we are doing some large scale art pieces for the school. They will be permenant parts of the front hallway very soon. We decided to do children's books and each of my 10 second grade classes did a different book. Each child did a pencil drawing and the one looking most like the actual book was blown up to be painted. Here is one of the first finished so far. Cost of these was just under $4 each. They measure 3 ft x 2ft. (MDF was bought and cut at Home Depot.)

My water broke

Yep. It's true. My water broke today. No, I'm not in labor. My water isn't working in my classroom! I went to turn on the water this morning and nothing happened! Luckily, I had all my paint buckets filled and ready for the day already. (I did some prep the afternoon before). Also luckily, my classes that were doing printmaking did not require water to be refreshed (no rinsing brushes or anything in those buckets.) Furthermore, it was lucky that my 2 classes doing this project today were my 2 most weel behaved 2nd graders. They could be trusted to do tissue paper bleeds, black ink prints and go wash their hands in the bathroom down the hall without me standing with them every step and monitoring their every move. They even came back in quietly and got to work on the post-printing activities. Good kiddos! My water is still broken and no idea when I will get it back. Hard doing art with no sink!
This afternoon I was thinking, "My water broke" and realized the irony in that. If Baby Varney #1 had made it to term, my water would have broken today. It was my due date. God sure was showing his sense of humor!

pray

Hello blog readers!

This week is hard for me. It's mother's day again. Last year I said it would be my last one without a baby. Well...in some ways, that's true. I did concieve 2 children this past year. And while last year was hard, this one is harder in lots of ways. I have found myself crying, or at least tearing up a lot this week. It's hard to see Mother's Day splashed everywhere. It's hard hearing how awesome mom's are and knowing that's not me still. But its really hard because I should be delivering my first child this weekend. Baby Varney #1 was due May 12th. That's Tuesday.
Part of me wants to acknowledge this on Sunday, along with my 2 other girl friends who have lost babies this year. Part of me wants to avoid the issue all together. Last year was so hard, and honestly...the best time of my whole year was Mother's Day with Amy and Brian. I know it can be that way this year too.
So we are running away again, this time with another couple added to the mix and 4 babies lost between the 3 couples (2 of those mine). I hope it's a weekend of fun and laughter and not one of tears and heartache. If you're a mom, I hope you truly appreciate the gift you've been given. There are many of us who hurt very deeply because we are denied that same blessing.
Here's hoping this year is the year and next year this post will be filled with baby pictures.
Remember those of us in this crappy boat while you celebrate on Sunday.

Confession: I have read Pride and Prejudice about 200 times. I get lost in the language-words like thither, mischance, felicity. I'm always in agony over whether Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are really going to get together. Read it - I know you'll love it.
- Meg Ryan in YOUVE GOT MAIL

I just finished watching a movie called LOST IN AUSTEN. It was so great! I LOVE Jane Austen more than I can say. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE is my favorite book and the 5 hour BBC movie is the greatest film EVER! (too many capitals??) Those of you who have seen it, I am sure have fallen in love with Mr. Darcy, or at least with Colin Firth. We all remember the seen in the pond, right?

Well this strange little movie was a wonderful look at how it would feel to enter the book you love. I loved the moment when Amanda (the main character) tells Darcy that every moment in her life has had him there. That every man she's ever been with has been compared to him. And as the story gets more and more jumbled, as Jane marries Mr.Colins and truths about Wickahm, Georgiana, Charlotte and the Bingleys all are discovered, Amanda finds herself helpless to stop the direction the story is headed.

So...if you love Pride and Prejudice and could find yourself knowing each character you face, if you met them in reality, rent this movie. It's a wonderful escape into a world so far from us, but so well known in our imaginations.

hawaii whale watch

i am such a slacker! I know I have so much to show from Hawaii, but I'm so unmotivated! Here are some pics from whale watching. the real treat is watching the video of the whales coming right up to the boat. Unfortunately, they won't post, or I'm just inept at getting them on here.

We spent a little over 2 hours out on the ocean with the Captain chasing after a mama and baby whale. We also saw a couple of other whales closeby and several whales breeching full on, out of the water quite a ways out.

There were several cool things about this outing. In fact, I have done many cool things in my life, but this would definatley be in the top 10 of all time. First of all, it was just Joe and I with the captain on this boat in a big empty ocean. That's pretty awesome. He prayed with us before we left the dock that God would protect us and provide some great viewing of his creation. Boy did he! We had whales within 10 feet of the boat and so close we could hear them talking when they swam under us. It was incredible! We also learned quite a bit abotu whales. The most interesting thing was that they leave a footprint when they enter the water. You can see a big, floating oval of slickness when they go under. So cool!

So here are a couple of pictures. Sorry they aren't better...I was too busy enjoying the view! The FOOTPRINT. See the glossy oval? It's the oils from the whale left on the surface.

Oh Captain, My Captain

Hawaii part one

I know you want to hear about Hawaii. Me too! I want to relive it! But before I can do that, I have to do this. Yes, it has SOMETHING to do with Hawaii...but not what you are looking for I'm sure.
It's no secret that I've got baby fever. It's been a hard last couple of months as friends come closer and closer to their due dates, others have the babies that they've prayed for for years. And here I sit. No baby in my tummy still.
I even went to Hawaii with the expectation that I would have one in me when I got home. We prayed and prayed for that. I even went to this fertility Rock to let the Hawaiian legend work it's magic on me. (Legend says if you sit on the rock and leave a gift, you will become pregnant. I sat. I left a gift. Joe and I even prayed up there, as I fought a severe crying attack.) But Monday morning when I awoke back to normal life and a day of work ahead, mother nature had shown up yet again. For the 25th month in a row to say HaHa! No baby for you!
This morning at church it kept coming up again! New little baby less than a month old, one seat in front of me. (Love this kid already, since her brothers are my favorite kids of all time!) After class a sweet woman who routinely gives me a hug and kiss pulled me over and said, "Is there a baby yet?" "no." "Awww....well you keep at it." We are. We will. SIGH. She told me someone she knew tried 13 years then had 2. I told her those are the stories I hate. I've only been waiting 2 years. I may have 11 ahead....not what I wanted to hear.
At the church luncheon later on, I was approached 2 more times. Once by the mother of a friend similarly afflicted. She wanted to meet me, since she'd heard about me, and tell me she was praying for us. And yet another older woman I don't know grabbed Joe and I to tell us she miscarried multiple times, was told she couldn't carry a child, adopted after 10 years of trying, the concieved in just over a year. She told us she loves her adopted kid as much as her "homegrown" one...there's no difference there. She said, " I know you want to carry your own child. It's not fun, but I know you want that. I did too. But I love my adopted daughter as much as I do my son. It's going to happen for you guys."
All 3 of these women had no idea the other had spoken to me. Nor did they know that this is something really weighing on me again. I get these glimmers of hope and feel like God is telling me something, but then I'm not pregnant. Again. It's hard to keep the glimmer alive. So what is God doing? How do I know? Our preacher told us today the scripture was about us. It speaks TO us. His final offering to the congregation was "Ask and you will recieve. Seek and it will be given to you. Knock and the door shall be opened to you." I've asked. I've seeked. I've knocked. Still no recieving.
SO...keep reading. Keep checking in. I promise the next one will be more upbeat. Hawaii part two: WHALE WATCHING

just a preview from hawaii trip...we leave in 24 hours

a moment like this

There are few moments in life that are special and just yours. Of course there are the weddings, the baptisms, the day your child is born. But how many moments do you have that are just yours....just a "Wow...can this be real? and happening to me?" moment?

I can think of a couple that I've had in my life. One that was very memorable was a few years ago when I backpacked in Europe. I was in Paris and was strolling along the Seine, eating an apple, humming a tune. Then it hit me..."How did I get here?!? I am so lucky! Some people will never get to be in this amazing city and I've been here twice? And here I am 24, funded my own trip to Europe and strolling alone and content in the city of lights?!!?" It was a moment of true awe at this point of life I've arrived at.

Today I had another such moment. It was around 6pm here in Molokai, HI. Joe and I went down to the beach near the house. Joe took a book to read and I spent some time alone in the surf. I was sitting on a rock a couple of feet into the ocean, just taking in the endless water, the coconut grove behind me and the sparkles on the water. I was thinking about what an amazing God we have and how incredible his creations are...when it happened. A song came on my ipod. I little song called "A Moment Like This." Now, I love Kelly Clarkson, but this song is cheese. today it brought something new to me tho. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. Could this be the greatest love of all? I want to know that you will catch me when I fall.

God's love for me IS the greatest love of all. He WILL catch me when I fall. And some people wait a lifetime for moments like the one I was having with him. I thank God for those moments of pure contentment. Moments I'm lost in his love for me.

The flip side

Last weekend Joe and I attended the Zoe Conference. It was amazing. In all honesty, it was like stepping back into summer camp 10 years ago....okay, 15 years ago. :) The worship was inspiring. The classes were intense. And the speakers were captivating. Yes, I learned so much I didn't know or hadnt thought about. I spent Friday in a class on Teen sexuality. It was so eye opening and refreshing what was being said by this youth minister. I can't wait to share all he taught us with my youth minister and children's minister here in Arlington.
The title of the conference was FEARLESS. Awesome...let's be unafraid to share the good news! Unafraid to be Christians in this dark world! Bring it on! Oh, but wait. I'm afraid of something. REALLY afraid. Of something I thought I was beginning to be okay with. Something I have distanced myself from and allowed myself to creep back into normalcy from.
Friday night Jeff Walling was speaking about fear. He was telling the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego. The fiery furnace! And he talked specifically about how what they told Nebuchanezzar: About how they trust God to protect them, but even if he does not, we will still not bow down to you. "EVEN IF HE DOES NOT." That was the challenge. Not to just have faith and trust God in the struggle, but to still trust and be faithful EVEN IF HE DOES NOT do what you ask of him. Wow. What if he "DOES NOT?" We wrote our fears on a big poster that hung in the auditorium. Most people wrote things like "losing my job" or "outliving my family" or "having enough money for college," "my cancer returning," "something bad happening to my kids." Mine? "Not being able to have my own children." I admitted it. To 300+ people. I'm deathly afraid of it. I had to keep my mouth shut the rest of the evening for fear the tears would come. That night I had a dream that someone close to us (who shall remain nameless) announced her pregnancy. And I got really upset. Awoke upset too.
On Saturday there was a very VERY emotional 10 minutes. Emotional for everyone in attendance. One by one people came out with a peice of cardboard. On the front was their struggle. On the back, their triumph because of faith. For example:
Front:Diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago.
Back: Cancer free since 2005
Front: Smoked for 25 years
Back: Off nicotine for 4 years
Front: Thought drugs would claim my son
Back: Sober for 3 months+
You get the idea. But there were 2 that hurt. I mean physically hurt. Joe later said each flip was like getting punched in the chest. HARD.
One was a friend from my teen years. Her's said "Excited to see our first ultrasound. But 60% chance of downs syndrome." Back: "Baby Sophie born in December, healthy and normal."
PUNCH!
and...Front: Baby Nathan died. Back: Now we are doubley blessed.
PUNCH!
I started crying right away. After that session, I looked at Joe. Crying too. We had to leave the building. I couldn't contain it. I had no idea it was such a huge fear for me. I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in 12 years shortly after. We were talking and I told her what we've been thru this year. She told me she'd had 2 miscarriages also. And this dear, sweet girl hugged me and prayed with me, right in the middle of the bookstore. She even cried with me. It was amazingly comforting.
So, despite my smiley face and my apparent strength right now, there is still a very scared girl inside me. And while I'm very able to help others right now, in similar situations, I'm still in the middle of my struggle. And that's why it hurt so much to watch those cards flip. My flipside would be blank. Front: Slim to no chance of ever having kids, 2 miscarriages. Back: EMPTY
When will I have my flipside?
Dad bought me a CD and I listen to it constantly now. One song I love is "You Never Let Go." It's like I hear words for me everytime.
"Oh Lord you never let go. Thru every high and every low. Oh Lord you never let go, Lord you never let go of me. I can see a light in the darkness for the heart that holds on. And there will be end to these troubles, but until that day comes...still I will praise you. Still I will praise you. Lord you never let go of me!"

how has life gotten so busy?

Did you know there are only 14 weeks of school left? And that I've been back for 7 weeks from Christmas break? Where did that time go?!?! I have an art show in 1 month!!! YIPES! I leave for Hawaii in less than 3 weeks! YIPES again!! I know I must have been keeping myself very VERY busy to have completely missed the past 7 weeks of life.

So just so I have something to show for it, let me show you the art I've made this month. This is not all I've done, but my 2 favorites.

This is a picture I made for my friend Heather and her new baby that will be arriving in the next couple of weeks. Yes Lauren and Sheila, you will also be getting one. If you have a preference on the nursery rhyme speak now or forever hold your peace.

And this one I just did today at art inservice. It's a multilayered landscape. All done in paper. Pretty cool!

Here's a top angle. It's put together like an accordian with different layers glued inside.

sorrow revisited

I have a dear, sweet friend who is having a difficult time right now. She suffered a miscarriage about a month after my last one and has kept it to herself for several weeks. She shared it with our class a couple of Sundays ago and my heart sank. She was someone who was so devastated at our losses and to hear that she had been silently hurting too, just brok my heart.
Now as I watch her going through it, I see myself. I remember those weeks of not wanting to come to church, knowing that it would take all I had to not cry. I remember feeling all alone in a room full of people, because their worlds were all sunny and rosy, and mine was dark and cold. But mostly I remember how I just wanted someone to care as much as I did. I wanted someone to understand my hurt wasn't just at that one moment in church, but constant. I wanted someone to remember I was still hurting. Luckily, I have had one such person. (shout out, Carebear!) I have a sweet friend who still sends me a card every week to remind me she thinking about me and praying for us. That means more to me than I can ever explain. And I want to do that for someone else now.
At the time, I thought people just didn't care. I stilll think that sometimes, but watching this girl in her grief...I have no words for her. And I just experienced this a couple of months ago! Nothing can be done to make it better. But I know that all I really needed was someone to be there, be sad with me, and tell me it would get better. So I'm trying my hardest. So while I want to keep my friends name in confidence, I konw many of you know who I am speaking of. Those who don't, just pray for Rachel's friend.
Tonight at singing, I was flipping through songs and I found so many lines that spoke to me. I'll leave you with one of them. I've never heard this song.....have you??
Does Jesus Care?
Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress
And the way grows weary and long?
Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.
Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?
Does Jesus care when I've said "goodbye"
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks,
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?
Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.

updates I've gotten behind on...

so much has been going on, it's been hard to find time to blog it all. But today is a snow day (ice day), so now that every part of my house has been cleaned, laundry put away, 2 workouts completed...blog time has arrived!

1. For Xmas we got something I never thought I would get addicted to. I told Joe we would never get a video game system, but I caved and we got a Wii. I am in LOVE with this thing! Not only do we get the old school Nintendo games I grew up on like Mario Bros and Punch Out, but we also have Rock Band and Wii Fit. Both of which I am addicted to. Rock Band became a great pasttime during Xmas break at home with my parents and brother. Below you will see a video of dad singing Eye of the Tiger. Hang in there thru the end of it...it's worth it. :) And the Wii fit....I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY. It monitors my bmi and weight as well as has me set fitness goals for myself, not to mention the fun activities it has! I've lost over 8 pounds in 4 weeks and am on pace to get to my goal weight before my last IVF cycle. So exciting!

And here is our band....Me, Matt, Dad and Mom

2. Ever watch Dancing with the Stars? Or....ever heard of Dancing with the Stars? Well, Joe and I are the next stars! We are taking Ballroom Dancing lessons on Monday nights and having a great time! In fact, we are thinking abotu going to a dance on Saturday nite! The last 2 classes we have been working on the foxtrot. We have learned the basice steps, a variation called "conversation" and a variation called "the zigzag." On Monday there was a couple there who missed the first class. The woman was....well.....scary. She obviously had had plastic surgery on her face and chest. She had a Joan Rivers vibe going on. And she was wearing a see through shirt with a hot pink bra, and black TIGHT leggings. Yipes. So towards the end of class Joe and I were dancing in the circle and I noticed her watching us. We rounded the corner and she booked it towards us. i thought she was going to grab her husband, but nope...she was coming for mine! She grabbed Joe's arm and announced "We are switching partners!" The two of them were so clueless and she said "you two konw what you're doing...I've been watching you. Help us!" So we switched and helped them out for a few minutes. Class ended with a promise to trade again next week. When we told our mom's the story they both told me to watch out...and older woman is trying to steal my man. :) I prefer to think it's just the fact that the Varneys rock at the foxtrot. :)

3. In less than a week I am entering a new phase of life. A new decade. On Tuesday I will be 30! I am actually really looking forward to it too! I don't see it as a bad thing, although Joe says it means I have to act like an adult now. :) In honor of our birthdays and really, in honor of our marriage surviving the hell that was 2008, we are planning a peaceful, romantic, renewing week away in March. Some friends have graciously and generously helped us out with a place to stay in....wait for it.....HAWAII!!!! I have never been there and neither has Joe. We wanted to go somewhere amazing before we spend the next several years paying off IVF, and hopefully paying for baby stuff with the baby I WILL be pregnant with soon. So we have taken some of our savings and we bought our tickets last week. The whole week of Spring Break on the island of Molokai. More on that to come!

4. And just for you, Tanya, here's a pic of our new bed. We got a sleigh bed with our Xmas money. We've had my bed from pre-marriage the past 3 years, so now we have "our bed" instead of "my bed."

I love PROMETHEAN!

So I got this new toy at school. Shouldn't call it that...a new TEACHING TOOL! It didn't work initially(as technology tends to do), but it is up and running now and I am in LOVE with my Promethean Board!

This is new technology that allows you to do everything....EVERYTHING from a touch sensitive smart board. It's like a big blackberry. It has a stylus that looks like a marker and it's plugged into your laptop, the web, speakers, your ipod, a wii....you name it, you can hook it up to this sucker!

Here's what it looks like:

It is mounted to the wall and moves up and down. You can see the projector part is on the arm up above, so it moves with the board. It goes all the way down to 12 inches from the floor, perfect for my little guys to come work on!

Today was my first day with it up and running and my kids were in awe. We played games, drew pictures, moved blocks into graphs, all kinds of stuff! This thing will change teaching forever!! I can build a lesson on a flipchart (a slideshow, like powerpoint), but I never have to leave the board. everythign is accessible right there using my stylus. I can put in video links to the net, sounds, music, matching games, worksheets, books, you name it....it does it.

I went to training yesterday and my head is still spinning thru all the ideas from those 8 hours. Teaching is finally fun again! So glad that I am HAPPY AT SCHOOL!!!!!

Here's what it looks like in action:

I almost forgot!?!?

If you are a geek like me and want to see what this is all about, go to www.promethanplanent.com, or you can visit www.promethanlearning.com to try it out on your home computer and see what the software does.

a day in history

Today was such a special day. We were able to witness a moment in history. Sure, we've witnessed others...911 attacks, the challenger explosion, the fall of the Berlin Wall. But never have we had the anticipation and expectation of such an event.

I watched the swearing in of our 44th president with 19 first graders today. Did they understand what was happening? Yes. And no. They know we have a new president today. They know his name is Barak Obama. But I'm sure they have no idea how important it was for them to see.

As we drove home from Lubbock yesterday, we listened to talk radio about the upcoming inauguration. While I am so excited about what is in store for our country, many are not. And I sympathize with their point of view, even though I don't share it. But despite which side you stand on, I hope that we all were moved and thankful that our country has reached this landmark. It's one I thought I would see in my lifetime, but not for a long, long time. Praise God for getting us here!

As I watched the oath being given, I couldn't help but tear up a little bit. My mom remembers the moonlanding and the assasination of Kennedy. My kiddos will remember this. It makes me so excited for them!!!

New News

We went to the doctor today to get the final word on my D&C results.
The doc said that they found nothing wrong with the fetal tissue, so the chromosome issue is a moot point now. He said recurring miscarriage is caused by one of 3 things:
1. Genetic problems (ruled out on both of us now)
2. A structural problem with the uterus (not me)
3. Antibodies are developed that "attack" the placenta

So...we are getting tested for the anibodies one. Doc says it is a small chance, but still a chance that that's what's going on. Good news is...we can do something about that one!!! Now, if they don't find that prognosis to be true, we have just been really REALLY unlucky and there is no explanation for back to back miscarriages. In either case, the recommendation is to go forward with the last FET when we're ready. (either on new meds for antibodies or buisness as usual).

The only other new info is....we were having a girl. That makes me sad to know the sex of the baby. Makes it more real. But it's kind of nice too. I was having a GIRL! I knew I was. :)

And final news...unrelated to babies. We bought a new bed today! It's our birthday gifts to eachother this year! A BLACK SLEIGH BED!!!! Hooray!!!

happy birthday

30 years ago today, my sweetheart entered the world...and thank God he did! I don't know what life would be like without that man in mine.

Last nite we went out with 10 or so of our best friends to celebrate and had so much fun wishing Jerry and Joe happiness in the next decade of life. 30 is a big milestone and we looking foward to a wonderful beginning to this next chapter.

So in honor of my hubby....here are 10 reasons I love him...(thought about putting 30, but that would be SO LONG!!)

1. He loves me even when I'm unlovable.

2. He makes me laugh every single day.

3. He prays for me and with me every night.

4. He can't sleep without me next to him.

5. He sings constantly, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the garage...always has a song.

6. He's goofy. REALLY goofy. :)

7. He loves kids as much as I do.

8. His family feels like they've always been mine.

9. He loves doing everything together...working out, cooking, cleaning, shopping...he knows everything is more fun if we're together.

10. He makes me want to be more than I am. Makes me better and stronger.

happy birthday, babe!

click click click...ZOOM!!

So there is so much to catch you up on since my last post. I have pictures and stories galore from Xmas and New Years, but there is somethiing that has to take precident right now.

Last Friday I got a call from the leader of my support group with interesting news....at the pregnancy center she volunteers with, an adoption had become available with a single black mother. Due date? Jan 30th!!! She called to see if we were interested. WHAT!!!!???!

The past several days have been full of questioning, waiting and praying. From what we found out, we decided this was not the baby for us (which is sad for so many reasons, one being the cost was about a 4th of what a regular adoption would cost us.) We found out the mother had not been drinking or doing drugs, but had been smoking the duration of the pregnancy. Mom wanted to abort the baby and her plan was twarted not once, but twice. Dad's in jail. Mom's plan is to leave the baby at the hospital to become a ward of the state. So, so sad.

I have so many things to work out about adoption, but knew what was important to me most.
1.Closed Adoption? check!
2.Affordable for us? check!
3.Baby not in danger from mother's habits? half a check (maybe....mother has not been doing prenatal care and smokes)
4. Are we ready? check (but maybe not 100% ready)
5.Biracial child? NO CHECK....this was a real sticky point for me. if we adopt, I want a biracial baby. Why, you may ask? I feel like there would always be an odd man out if we adopt a white or a black child. If adopted a white child, people would assume joe wasn't the father. If we adopt a black baby, people would assume I'm not the mother. I want our family to look and feel like our family. And this is a baby with both a black mother and a black father.

So while I have a huge heart for this unborn baby, I know it's not the baby we are meant to have. But these past 5 days have been amazing. Just the idea of this being possible has brought me new hope. That phone call from Carol felt like the call saying I was pregnant. I'm so excited that I can feel that way, even without a baby in my belly!!

So now that we have raced down THAT hill on the rollercoaster, we are beginning to click click click back up as another family we know is now considering adopting this child. While this has potential to be wonderful for them, and equal potential to be strange and awkward for me, it would be wonderful for this baby to be in a loving, christian home. I'm not sure how I feel about it all, and I'm not sure how they feel about it all. Not long to decide, so I guess we'll see!

So pray for this un-named baby to be and whoever it is that she ends up with. It's obvious God want this little guy around!